gabrielle aplin - start again

For the past few months, Ive been trying to challenge myself if I can try to be a minimalist. I've been throwing some of my stuff, some of my clothes, and even some of the most sentimental things I keep. Growing up, I have always been a pack-rat. Keeping everything from movie tickets to receipt from where my friends and I hung out. Those junk can always be found in my wallet together with some wallet-sized photos I had developed from photo shops and even some 1x1 photos of some of my friends. For a change, I decided to throw off some of the things I didn't need anymore. Besides that, I've been trying to numb myself as well to some of the things. I've been conditioning myself that this will make me safe in the long run (No, I'm not a fugitive). I just decided to myself that It's best not to dwell on the past, and besides it makes my room clutter-free, although I'm not really bothered by the mess. It's just that I'm trying to distance myself from my emotions, and if ever just keep everything in my mind as much as possible. So today, I decided to burn some of the letters I kept. Well, It's not really letters, those are actually my failed diary. The earlier ones where never really finished. That's the thing about me , I always liked the idea of diaries and planners but I always only end up like a week after. The last one was actually a school project. If it weren't for my class, I wouldn't have accomplished a 40-day diary. It feels liberating to burn everything. I'm planning to burn the letters when I'm ready. I don't think I'm ready yet. I can't deny in me that there are times I really like going back and looking in the past, like these letters I got from my friends. But I know, I will burn them soon enough. But today, I just want to focus on my diaries. Unfortunately though I wasn't able to read it for the last time before throwing it off and burn it. I don't know what's up with me but I find it comforting to hurt myself, emotionally. Like this one, I listen to sadcore while I force myself to burn things that matter to me. I try to make myself numb to everything. I don't know what's up with me.

New Year's Eve

It's fascinating to see how much things have changed since the first day of 2013 until this moment as I look back on throwback photos that people are posting in with subtle filters from Instagram. Thinking about it, I realized how time seemed like it only passed by. I can still remember the first day of my 3rd term and how disappointed I was upon learning that my original professor for Kaspil2 was replaced by another professor, and how I came rushing through the door at a speed of light just to catch up on my 1st class on 1st day.

Last night, I went out with my girlie, Raiza to accompany me on getting a new 'do, to start out fresh next year. Growing up, I always have had long hair. All my life, I've never given a thought about cutting it short, except when my mom forced me when I was in 5th grade, but I don't think that counts anyway. In all honesty, prior to this day that I decided to cut it, I couldn't stop thinking about, worrying how I would look like. Too many questions are filling my mind. Will I look younger? What if I looked more fat? Despite the many questions, only one has made me decide to  cut it short. I was asked by another friend one thing. "Do you want to look the same, or go for a change?" And that hit me. I remember browsing through my highschool photos and realized how much things haven't changed. I still got the same hair length, bangs, it almost seemed boring. So eventually, I did. And I've never felt this good. It feels so nice to finally cut it short, it was too short, I couldn't even tie it. It felt spontaneous and impulsive and I'm glad my friend recommended me her favorite stylist, which is now my favorite, too! Now I can say that I'm ready for 2014 as a changed woman! 

shit

As I was scrolling through my dashboard, I saw this particular post that says about a person commenting on everything as if everything he says matters. And it hit me. I've always been very vocal about what I think. 

I've always wanted people to assume and to think that I'm elusive as a person. I want them to not be able to predict the next thing I will do, or what's running on my mind. But I've realized, how can I possibly be like that, when I kept on sharing everything about me. So I decided tonight that I'm not gonna tell them what I think, for a start.

I'm sorry I'm not really in the mood to write tonight but I just wanted to let it out. So going back, you know those moments when you feel sympathy over those leads from certain movies where they leave some things unsaid, when you know that it would make things easier for them if they would have only told them? Ironically, I feel good doing that. The feeling when you hold everything inside your head, while no one else knows, and still feel the hope that someone will understand and get to realize what's going on.

she loved mysteries so much that she became one

I love how people are so oblivious about a lot of things. They take a glimpse at one thing and take it upon themselves that they already know a lot about it. They get to know you a little and decide that you know a lot about each other. But the thing is, they don't.

People often describe me as someone who is extrovert, outgoing, but in reality I'm not. Don't get me wrong though. Just because I said i wasn't any of the things list above, doesn't mean I'm already the total opposite. I could be as loud as I want to, I could also be as spontaneous or reserved depends on how I want to be.

I look at lots of people. It's fascinating to observe everyone (not in a creepy kind; well a little) how they respond to certain situations, or simply reacting to things.

I guess if you will ask me, I'm a bit in between. I'm a mix of extrovert and introvert, confidence and insecurity, loud and reserved.

September Favorites

It's the start of the -ber months again which makes me think of Christmas already. Can't stop myself from thinking about cozy beds, and warm cup of tea, oh what's not to love about this season! But moving on, I felt the need to post about some beauty products I recently bought, and decided to share with you guys these lovely goodies! 

1. NYX Lip Cream in Abu Dhabi

• I bought this goodie at a fair in my school on impulse. I wasn't really planning on buying anything. I was not even aware we will have a fair on that day. But what I like about this is that it's super easy to slide on my lips, and the color actually is matte. It's slightly nude and it works wonders. Like you could never have too much of it. 

2. Palladio Herbal Primer

• Palladio wasn't really a product I am fully aware of until I come across a lot of good reviews about this. I bought this for around 650 pesos at Beauty Bar, and my God! Such a good primer for a cheap price! What a jackpot, if you'll ask me. I rarely use primers but I loved how it made my makeup stay in place and somehow minimized my visible pores. I can't say that my makeup didn't wear off, especially since I'm living in a very sunny and tropical place, the Philippines. But this has somehow improved my makeup.

3. Berry Concealer

• This is probably the lightest concealer I've ever had and decided to use it as a highlighter instead, which works way better. It's super easy to blend and really looks natural despite my warm-toned skin. As of the price of this product, that I'm not sure of because it was only given to me by a good friend. 

4. BYS Matte Nail Polish

• Words cannot explain how much I love this nail polish. Another good friend of mine gave this to me as a gift and she even said that she based the color to my personality. How cute is that? It's super easy to apply and dries out really fast. It's a super hot pink that really stands out and really looks so pretty on me!

5. MAC Mineralize Skin Finish in Medium Dark

• This is probably the high-end product I'm never going to repurchase again. Don't get me wrong, though. This works really good, but not good enough. Yes, It really removes the oil off of my skin, you can wear it alone, or wear it to set your liquid foundation on and has a lot of shade options to choose from, but I guess It's not really worth it's price. I think I bought it for P1,600, if I'm not mistaken.

6. Revlon Nearly Naked in 200 Warm Beige

• I love the consistency of this liquid foundation but there's only one thing I hate about this. Well, I got the wrong shade for me, it turns out that it looks too dark on my face. And I just realized it when I've already used half the bottle already. There's also no pump for it, which is a downside of it. But it's really easy to blend, like the consistency of NARS Sheer Glow, as most of people say.

7. Oh La La Lips from La Senza

• What a weird store to buy a lip gloss right? But still, it's a really nice and cute little lip gloss that I receive from my cousin. I didn't like it at first try, but eventually fell in love with it. I like the color, it's not pigmented, though, as what I have expected. I also liked the cool and minty feeling when you apply it onto your lips!

8. Maybelline Dream Sun

• This is a really nice bronzer I bought from a bazaar in World Trade. It's a good bronzer for everyday use, because it looks really natural and neutral, and stays up to 8 hours! You can never have too much of this!

9. Bobbie Nail Polish

• I guess this is just a local nail polish brand. It was given to me by my sister, and it looked really good on me. The one on the picture above is in Pussy Red, and it really matches my skin color. It looked mature and daring for my long nails. It's easy to apply it as well.

So, those are only some of the beauty goodies I recently purchased, and hopefully this would be of great help for you! Stay tuned for more!

Dystopia now, Utopia never

Museums are one of the best institutions to go to that contains different artworks that are historically, culturally, artistically, preserved. Those objects may have a really high value during the past, that it was used and displayed inside the exhibit. It's a bit ironic, saying all these things, knowing all about whatnot, considering that I haven't gone to a real museum since my last fieldtrip during my gradeschool.

Coming all the way to CSB-SDA was not much of a hassle. Upon going inside, I was greeted by some friends and classmates who also went to the same exhibit. If it weren't for our INTFILO (Introduction to Philosophy) Class, I wouldn't have gone here. But I am definitely not saying that I am forced to, I somehow liked it though. 

 Being an avid reader of dystopian fiction, has added to my enthusiasm in going to this exhibit. I have always enjoyed reading things about misery and unpleasant society, mostly dealing with political and social structures. In fact, I am currently reading George Orwell's "1984", which is also a requirement for HUMALIT (Introduction to Human Literature), another class of mine.

The pictures above were the artworks showcased at the lower part of the museum. It was a nice artwork, at first glance. But upon really looking into it, I realized that it wasn't any other artworks. It's not like an ordinary picture, the way I have seen it before. The 2nd pictures looked like an abandoned building, which it is, but what's more into that is that it is made of newspapers and black paint, I suppose. It's like the opposite of French painter, Monet's paintings. This one does not look special from afar, but looking at closely could take you to a different angle. 

It really is a matter of perspective and angle when you look at artworks. I get now why there are people who does not appreciate a certain piece of art, while some feel the context of those works.

I remember a friend once said about a particular literature, or artwork, that those things that the writers have written or the artists have painted or drawn, can lose its meaning once it's written down or painted because the thought or the feelings, emotions and the mood is not present. It can never be drawn.

The first picture above of this paragraph was actually a violence in Thailand. It was Piyasak Ausup's photograph called, "Dialogues on Discrepancy". It was a representation of the violence in the capital. The second is called the Structure of Fear by Thasnai Sethaseree. The picture frame above is a 2d representation of the sculpture on the leftmost part of the picture. It's aim is to let the people see how fear looks like and how it should not be feared upon.

Kiri Dalena's Tungkung Langit, showed us what these little children experienced during a terrible typhoon that has not only left them with no house, but even with no parents. They have suffered from the devastation that this typhoon has brought them, that they ended up being orphans. 

"The exhibition has three theme. The first, 'Forces beyond control', demonstrates the result of natural disasters. The second part, 'Invisible structure' considers contemporary crisis due to human intervention. Finally, the third part 'New hopes' is a call to imagine and share new ways t live together, in a world uncertain of its future."